According to one top counselor, many second marriages break up because they are made too quickly and for the wrong reasons.

“After a divorce or the death of a partner, a certain amount of emotional healing must take place,” said one marriage counselor.

Here are the following pointers that should help guide people considering a second marriage:


• Avoid marrying just to ease the pain or loneliness of suddenly finding yourself single.

• Learn to cope on your own, with responsibilities that were formerly your spouse’s. Many new widows feel inadequate handling home repairs, money matters, cooking and other chores, so they marry again to avoid them. This is not a good basis for a marriage.
• Wait at least 2 ½ years to remarry. If you have a good relationship, the delay won’t hurt. You’re more likely to make a mistake marrying too soon than too late.

• Take time between marriages to build your self-confidence so you don’t bring too much emotional dependence to your new relationship. It can be deadly.

• Be realistic about your intended partner. Divorced people tend to focus on qualities that their ex-mate lacked and to over-idealize the new person in their life.

• Learn to get through the bad periods of being single. Many people, though doing well as singles, suddenly hit one of those bleak periods where everything seems to go wrong at once. They marry impetuously for emotional support, and then find themselves worse off than they were before.

• Don’t remarry if you expect to make changes in your partner. If you can’t take him as you find him, leave him alone.

• Discuss problems about your relationship before you marry. Don’t expect them simply to disappear because you marry.

• Be sure you choose a person whose personal values are similar to yours. Conflicting points of view about lifestyles and values ruin more marriages than any other factor.

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